to whoever is reading this, whether is it her or whoever, just read it.anyway.i expected this day to happen.long, long time ago.and yeah, you must be thinking,"then why didn't you try to prevent it?"truth is, i was being a total asshole and decided to neglect it.but wait, this isn't what i really want to say.you've walked with me, through the hardest points in my life, the obstacles.you accepted me for who i am.you showed me the true meaning of a true friend.yes, you are there whenever i need you.but that doesn't seem to be the scenario nowadays, does it?you know that you and i, we have a lot of differences.we have differing opinions on certain aspects, which i cannot seem to lay a word on.i mean, just look at our friends. your friends, (excluding jocelyn, siying and jessica).your friends are different from mine. this is one big difference in our perspective to friendship.do i sound like i am complaining or accusing you- if you do feel that way, i'm truly sorry, and i have no intention of making you feel this way.we choose different friends. we live our lives differently, like duh.i mean, except the fact that we all go to school and mug at home like some crazy studious bespectacled nerds. :Dsorry, i was just, you know, trying to lighten the mood a little. i'm wondering if my attempt failed. maybe you think i'm taking all of these lightly, but truth is, i am as troubled as you are, or maybe more troubled. i admit it, i'm the jerk here.i chose my own priorities over you all, just like how Britain regarded her own interests instead of the League of Nations.i neglected all of you.i didn't make the effort to get in touch with all of you.i deserved this cold treatment from you, but wait, i will make this go away. and i know i can, but i know i need to work extremely hard.i can't promise you that things will be normal, but i can assure you that i'll make it seem like the best days we've all ever had before.you're a very special girl, yan li.well i mean, you're my partners for 2 years, and my squadmate, and my going-home partner. so well, i can say i lived one-seventh of my life with you.and you made me feel things that i've never felt before.i think you know what i'm gonna talk about next- koyo.yes, that was really tremendously superb memories, and yes, i really want to relive that strong bond of friendship, just like the ionic bonds in giant ionic lattice structures.and that large amount of energy that is needed to break the ionic bonds, will just be like external forces trying to break the mutual friendship we have. apparently, i see myself fading away from you.lately we don't really say hi, sometimes it's just really i didn't see you.you know me- i don't take notice of my surroundings. but i know this isn't a very good excuse.but then, sometimes, when i talk to you, you sound so...uninterested. sometimes, i would really want to strike up a conversation with you, but your tone suggests that you're totally not interested at all. so okay, i let that one off.maybe you just really didn't want to talk to me. okay, that did hurt me, but then, what could i do?force you into a conversation which you will be not interested in at all?or maybe i'm just exaggerating too much. maybe you're just plain tired. okay, i can understand that.but i know, i'm the one at fault.trust me, i really want that old feeling back.truth is, i feel intimidated by you, sometimes. i still remember that day, Secondary 4 Farewell Assembly.i saw you and jessica together, after the assembly, your tie strongly encircled around her body, as if you two were hugging together.i don't know, but when i saw that i really felt like hugging you guys too.but i felt something tugging at me. i don't know how long i looked at you two, with envy. envy, you know i don't have that in my dictionary since i met you. i wanted myself to be in that scenario too, laughing with you all and enjoying the wondrous, special moments together. i was looking at you two so long, until michelle asked me (from 2C3), " hey dude, whatcha looking at?" i didn't know how to reply her. so i just smiled and replied, " i'm looking at something that seems so near but seems so far away." she didn't know what i was referring to, obviously.well, point is, i want to let you know that i am willing to do anything, anything, to resolve this barrier between us.because, as mushy that it can sound, it's killing me.i can't stand it, not being able to react to you as i did before, not able to see you smiling when talking to me.yeah, i missed your laughter. everything about you basically. those little details of your words, the way you type, your handwriting that you used to scribble in my books.i really want to get them back.sometimes when i flip open my maths notebook, i see them, and somehow the corners of my mouth tug upwards. i still can imagine that feeling of warmth between us.that closeness.i'll make this work, i know i can, i need you to believe in me.i'm not saying this purely for actions, i am going to do it.i'm going to show all of you that i want to get this friendship back.because you are a really rare friend to get by. same goes for siying, jocelyn and jessica.i really don't know how to say this but, you all are still a part of me.i still think about all of you, unconditionally.maybe it's unexpressed and unfelt to all of you, but when i see any of you, i feel like, wow, she's my friend. a good friend, a wonderful friend, a perfect friend.i'm gonna make this right, please, just believe in me and give me a chance.maybe in your eyes i don't deserve a second-chance, but then, i'm still going to be stubborn and give it my best shot.you don't know how much i long to get there with all of you.you just have no idea.not a little.and i just wanna say, i really do love you. in between sisterly and friendship love. you're really important and i thank god that at least you still feel some thing about me, regardless is it negative or positive.tu amor, ma cherie.----<3>u>what you said:it feels like i don't know her anymore, totally. actually, i think it's for the better since i've realised that we totally have different priorities and ways of handling things. i don't think she'll ever realise just how much she disappointed me and stuff; guess we had different perceptions on friendship, or if what we had could be called something more than just a normal friendship. honestly, i don't want to keep on thinking about this anymore, and hoping that she would one day see things as i do. it's like hopeless to hope for a piece of wood to turn into a block of marble, even if i once thought if i did enough on my part, it would work out. [note the analogy, wood has many of its benefits, but it's just that i like marble better:)] sick and tired. don't wanna think about it anymore; just contented with the way things are now.-----<3>what i feeli don't know why, but i felt really pissed when i read this.so what, you think that what we have is all in the past, never to be revived back?what, i'm a piece of wood that is hopeless to turn into marble.wow.right, piece of wood.i really want to see the things you do, trust me.but why can't you see it from my point of view?why must it be...always you?okay, right now, i know, i sound really contradicting as i've sounded previously. I MEAN THEM. but right now, i'm just telling you what i feel when i saw this paragraph.and in what ways did i disappoint you?and it's not like i'm the only one disappointing you.you've disappointed me too. but i just gave you a new chance. one after another.you know.you sound like you don't want it as badly as i do.that sucks pretty badly.what we had could be called something more than a normal friendship huh?oh, so i see.so you think it's all in the past.and you think it's not worth making things right.and you think you're already contented with just the way things are now.wow.how innocent can i get, seriously.but i'm gonna heck what you think, seriously, cause i'm gonna do what i want to do, what i think is right and what is right.i want to revive this back and i will. and then we'll see.but it still hurts though, that you think it's already mission impossible.hurts pretty badly.hurts like some kind of shit.it hurts.hurts.hurts.hurts.