Tuesday, October 28, 2008
11:00 PM

here's my new blog, and probably the most techno blog i've ever had. :D
here it is, ladies and gents!
hurry, cause i'm deleting this soon.
told you.
everything's starting afresh.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
Monday, October 27, 2008
1:40 PM

no image available
(boy, that sucks)
like as if she'll rot to death if we shared bags.
yeah yeah sure thing man, you can have the bag.
like i'd want it in the first place.
but what the hell, i'm upset because my sister doesn't want to share her bag with me.
zhang jiaxuan! it's just a stupid bag with hearts all over it and it's ten bucks.
so what? it's just a bag, a bag that makes you look absolutely horrid and disgusting.
BUT WHY AM I SO FREAKING PISSED THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SHARE HER BAG WITH ME?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
never mind.
i've got my own stuff to strut about.
childish immature jackie zhang.
stop being like a little girl who just bawls when she doesn't get her stuff and GROW UP!
you're FIFTEEN, for goodness sake!
think like an adult, and start acting like a disciplined woman, at least.
get over that bag, it's only a bag, and it's not like that bag is EVERYTHING in the world.
so just shut the hell up, make up your own mind, and get over it.
feels good to lecture myself.
i'm mad.
but i still love my sister.
i really do.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
11:19 PM

i'm gonna do what it takes to unlove you.
-elise estrada
which means --> DING DING DING!FREE DAY!
i've decided how to spend it already. HAHA. and it'll just be me alone, nobody else.
sometimes, you need some time alone. that's all it really matters.
JOCELYN! you know that bad boy romance you've been anticipating for so long! i've only done the FIRST chapter.
HAHA. don't 'tsk' me man, hahahha, i'm having no inspirations lately. =(
but hey, don't worry! i'll get them in no time. :D
and of course, i'm pretty happy today, more like glad!
what a great big wondrous achievement! and HEY, i've finished my chinese and english holiday homework. :D
SUPER PROUD OF MYSELF! good job girl, way to go! 
and i can't wait for 5th november! tadaaaaaaaaaaa!
that's when i can ogle at super duper hot pilots with cool sunglasses that totally shows off the masculine side of them. well wait, they already have a masculine side.
BUT OH WELL! they're just that...sigh, gorgeous.
and it seems like i'm not getting my video cam anymore, since lee kuan yew said that singapore's economy will only revive 3 to 5 years later.
so, that's like, what, when i'm...20 years old?
and probably i can only get my cellphone when i'm 2o too.
HAHAHHA. well well anyway hmmm, my sister's getting her hair rebonded, since my cousins say it's kinda cak-cak (rough)
and maybe it's time for me to get a new haircut. :D
and guess what! my parents made up after a quarrel yesterday! YAY! i'm so proud of them.
for a moment, i thought everything would be over. but it wasn't. so that was a really big big relief. 
i've got a big plan for tomorrow, which is to prepare an english breakfast for my family!!!
with freshly squeezed orange juice..
nice scrambled eggs with cheese sausages from IKEA! and probably toast with kaya and melted butter.
oooooohhhhh. boy, i'm getting quite hungry.
hopefully they'll find it nice, because this is the first time in my 15 years of life i'm doing such thing. :D
i'm just so glad i've got everything i wanted, which i worked for.
i'm just glad that i'm living the life that i want. 
i mean, who wouldn't want to live in a big big big mansion with swimming pools and marbled floors and polished statues...jacuzzis....a mini-bar...a fridge full of ice-cream and other sinful delights.
but then, there's nothing more comfortable than snuggling with my sister in her mattress and stealing away her soft pillow =P
sorry sis, your pillow is just really too comfortable.
right now, right here, i wish time could stop. and just let me relive it again, and again, and again.
is that too much to ask for?

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
11:40 PM

look me in the eyes,
and you'll catch a glimpse of truth.
i wonder how he's doing up there.
and i really, really miss him.
hell yeah, i miss my grandfather.
but finally, he's living under one roof with his parents, so, way to go, yeah man, grandpa!
i'm rooting for you! woots!
and yes, monday is a holiday! free time!
i've no idea how to spend it, but i guess it's gonna be a place where i can do my homework in peace and feel the beauty of nature surrounding me.
my dad told me a story today, and i was reflecting on it.
i shall tell you what the whole story is about.
in malaysia, taxis are really common, it's everywhere.
this man is on a business trip to malaysia.
once he got out of the airport, he hailed for a taxi, and soon, one came in his direction. the driver offered to help put the luggage in his boot. gladly, and impressed, he smiled and soon, they were on the way to the man's hotel.
during this period of travelling, the taxi driver asked the man,"Good day, mister! How are you today?"
the man was surprised, and he mustered a smile that was understood as "I'm doing great." 
laughing, the taxi driver began asking him general questions, such as, "How's your business going? Do you have a family? Where do you live?"
the man was not irritated. he was actually impressed with the driver's ability to warm him up.
so he answered those questions truthfully and smiled a lot.
now it was the man's turn to start the conversation with the driver.
he asked, " how do you feel about your job as a taxi driver?" the driver let out a humble laugh, and began talking in an easy tone. he said this:
i feel proud of my job! it allows me to meet people from all walks of life and it is an honour for me, partly because i can promote my mother country to them, and introduce them where are the place to go shopping, or for good food, so on and so forth. i feel proud to do this and certainly, i hope that they feel comfortable as well. it is actually a very honourable and worthy job, to think about it. it's beautiful.
after hearing this, the man was very impressed. and gradually, they established a friendship. they both exchanged contacts, and the man promised to bring the driver on a tour in his own mother country if there was a chance. when they reached the destination, the man got off and thanked the driver. 
not too long after, the man returned for another business trip. 
he hailed for a taxi, and struggled to put his luggage into the boot. the driver came out not long after, ensuring that his boot wasn't scratched and the luggage were in place. the man said nothing, so did the driver. 
when they were inside the taxi, the driver asked where the man's destination was. the man replied.
after that, no conversation occured between the two men.
the man felt uncomfortable, and decided to strike up a conversation. 
it was like a Q & A session. i give you the answer to your question, and that's it. finally, the man couldn't take it any longer and asked the question, " How do you feel about your job?"
this was the driver's reply:
AIYAH! it's the same old thing, driver here and there, ferry passengers around. it's so boring, and you can never make big money from it. all you do all day is taking orders, drinking kopi-o, running all around the country, make me so tired.
the man said nothing afterwards. he smiled his thanks to the driver when they reached and immediately got out of the cab.
after i heard this story, i realised that two people, even though working the same job, can have very different thinking. one accepts his job and sees it as a glorious job, to be able to spread the values and culture of his beautiful country to others
and the other sees is as a job that has no meaning.
it's so different.
and i wish i can see it in the first driver's point of view.
maybe it teaches us that in everything we do, there is something that is beautiful in it, something that we can enjoy and learn from.
and of course, it depends on how one sees it.
so which way you wanna see? the good one or bad one?
it's up to you to decide.
to all of you out there,
tu amor.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
Friday, October 24, 2008
10:30 PM

to love is magical.
to be loved is splendid.
yeah yeah i admit it- zac effron and vanessa hudgens really make a cute couple. 
HAHA. HSM 3 is a really good movie, much better that i've expected. so watch it, hurry!
(but don't watch from evening onwards)
all in all, i had a really great day today. =)
it's really unbelievable.
i mean, 32 grand for a grand piano?!
that's ultra-freaking crazy.
and i'll NEVER be able to earn that much amount of money.
and tomorrow! i've got to get up early and attend rituals for my grandfather first anniversary.
i wonder how he is in his new house. hope he's having a great time there. i really miss him.
maybe i'll go ECP, but my sister's going there with her friends, and there is a 100% chance we'll meet. sigh. i shall be a stay-home girl and catch up on my korean tv dramas.
it's time for some cheesy soapy dramas to make me feel crazy. YAY!
i'm starting to think twice.
we're definitely never going to be the same ever.
already i feel distant.
maybe she's right.
we'll never work out.
but, i seem to do fine with the others.
and i always run out of topics of what to say to her.
i feel like, damn it, i'm so far away from her.
i really don't know what to do.
part of me prefer it to be this way.
part of me prefer us to be back like before.
and whatever happened to my gung-ho speech about making us back together again.
i hate this.
is this what you call, emotional punishment?

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
Monday, October 20, 2008
1:28 AM

just you and I.
i lubs today! :D
so, well, i met up with my cousins to have some cycling fun in east coast park :)
it was my first time riding a two-person bike, and seriously, i had a hard time controlling and steering the direction and most of all- balancing!
JEEZ! couldn't get myself started until the end, where everything finally became effortless. :D
and the crescentian t-shirt is pretty ruined with mud and rain.
ah well, east coast was rainy today, on and off, but then!
we kinda heck-cared about the weather and cycled on and on :D
yay! i can't wait for this sunday! cause we're gonna go bugis and buy korean spicy rice cakes! :D:D:D:D
wheeettsssssssssss, finally! it's been forever since i've tasted good food. 
and well, i think maybe atc will be kinda good, well, FINALLY, i'm in the same group with my squadmates, and phew man! 
but i think it's really gonna go bonkers and we're all gonna go ballistic.
at least that's how i think it's gonna be like. :D
and i bought this really cool carplate from bloomington! :D
it says, INSURED BY MAFIA: you hit me, we hit you.
HAHAHAAHAHAHHAHA. bought it for my cousin's birthday.
she said it was love at first sight with that.
and she said she's gonna input that to replace her carplate no.
but it's illegal. but then, who seriously cares about a car plate number.
like the police's gonna go around checking whether every car plate number is there.
and i can't believe i passed ssgt.
you know something.
the saying, " success comes to those who really work hard" is really true afterall.
and i'm lovin every bit of success.
the taste of it is overwhelmingly addictive.
and i don't know what to do about her.
everything would be so awkward.
and seeing her every session would be....murder.
i really want her to wake up and take a good look at what's really happening to her.
please please wake up.
i don't want you to destroy yourself.
i'm gonna save the world.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
10:02 PM

you know the sun is shinning,
we'll keep smiling,
doesn't matter where.
i think this place's Tobago. i don't know.
hahhaha, but it looks like some kind of beach paradise to die for!
right. again, queenie and i had aspiring talks about being a pilot-ress. :D
i mean, isn't it cool?
to be able to drive a plane and bring people across vast continents?
it's very wow.
so anyway! NP WAS GREAT!
maybe one of the best sessions i ever had. :D
and i think my beauty and the beast are flatter.
HMPH. i'm gonna take my revenge on markie and purnamie. XP you're so gonna die.
hahaha, and then!
afterwhich i decided to challenge myself by walking home from crescent.
HEY! it wasn't that bad, except that when i got home i suffered leg cramps.
hahahhahah. must train them even more! shall put on my running shoes and go for a run soon :D
and i can't wait for fifth november.
i really can;t wait.
here i come, survival training camp.
you're gonna rock me well :D
and he showed his middle finger to the world.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
11:52 PM

it's in your eyes.
i can tell what you're thinking.
i think destiny has a funny way, especially when they come and take everything away.
seriously, why can't we just make everything stay as it is and stop whatever that's bad from happening?
i really don't want any more separation.
and i think the rule's really atrociously irritating and preposterous. 
will it hurt to give us a second chance?
we don't want any more goodbyes. 
we had enough.
and the girl who tried to jump down from the building.
i think you're really need to go to Africa, and see those children suffering.
and seriously, stop acting like a selfish, spoiled brat who wants to end her life cause her results are bad.
and you, are only a secondary two student.
i know, that life's getting more stressful and such.
but hello, if sec two you're thinking of ending your life, then don't even bother to live in sec 3.
just go sleep and lie all day in your coffin man.
you don't even appreciate this education that you're receiving, this luxury you're having apart from the children who doesn't even have proper education.
just go and bloody lie in your coffin and never wake up.
don't even think of living.
not any single thought of it.
sigh, i shall stop.
seriously man, i think the education here is really screwed.
the purpose of this blog is to criticise XYZ country's ministry of education that the system is so utterly disastrously screwed so that the XYZ country's ministry of education can take effective measures to overcome this problem and make it more surivable for the students.
i hate this.
it's no surprise,
i've been watching you lately.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.

12:52 AM

is the world still spinning round?
it feels good to be back in east coast again.
i'm crazy right?
yeah, i figured so, already sunburnt and i'm getting myself much roasted.
my skin's pretty red now, more like glowing.
but i went there for a reason.
earlier on, i was feeling really upset- one was because i had really bad cramps in the morning and couldn't make it to school. really wanted to see zakiah perform but then well, i couldn't make it.
it feels comforting sometimes to be alone.
there's no one to hush you to leave, no one to interrupt your thoughts.
it's just you and you, alone and carefree, with the waves to comfort and console you.
funny thing is, i wasn't sure why i felt so upset and lost. maybe disorientated is more like the word.
furthermore, tomorrow's results day. and i have no idea what to expect.
i really hope i don't get a C for my combined humans.
it sucks, to worry about my grades.
but on the other hand, i scored pretty well for my piano exam Grade 6, i think.
i'm the highest, so yay, but then the day itself i felt screwed up. 
the examiner kept looking at me with this weird expression. and i was thinking, " what the hell, is it my answer's really stupid or it doesn't make sense."
and in his comments he wrote, "she's a girl with good musical sense, just that she tends to slip a little here and there, however, it is a good attempt. i can see that she's putting her utmost effort into it. her cheerful attitude towards this examination certainly surprised me. keep it up!"
i didn't even know that, really. but all the while i knew my palms were secreting sweat and making the keys bloody wet and slippery until i lost control of my scales and contrary motion.
well. at least piano is not making me disappointed.
thank you examiner, i prayed so hard that i would pass.
and i did.
so, back to the waves. 
i was sitting alone on this man-made rock revetment, i think.
no one else but just me.
sat down for don't know how many freaking hours reflecting, pondering and thinking.
but it felt really soothing.
the sound of waves crashing gently against the shore...the smell of the salty sea...and the breeze that makes your hair dance in the air windly....brushing the neck occasionally.
i should really do this more often, but probably i'll be bringing friends along.
and sigh
i really don't want to face tomorrow.
i really really really don't want to see any disappointing remarks.
and what the hell.
i hate tomorrow.
i abso-bloody-lutely hate tomorrow.
it's no surprise.
i knew it'll be like this all along.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
10:24 PM

i kissed a girl and i liked it,
tasted her cherry chapstick.
(probably hopes her boyfriend won't mind it)
well, of course, casandra, eddie and i met up at the MRT at 7.30am to make some breakfast as well as some snacks for the excursion later on.
tsk man, ahhahahhaha.
anyway, soon we were buzzing around in casandra's kitchen, boiling eggs, cutting sausages, making it a whole big total mess.
edlyn totally threw the whole egg into the boiling mass of water. HAHA! casandra "scolded" her.
HAHAHAHA, those two evil twins are hilarious!
soooooo, finally it was time to pack the yummy food up and take off to ECP.
we were late, so we cabbed there, slept throughout and woke up.
WOAH! the fee was 12 bucks on the dot! HAHAHAAH :D
yay, so geddie and SAGGY BOOBS were late, and therefore we decided to sit on the shallow roots of some tree and wait.
then we set up a foldable tent, dumped our things in there, and started making BOOBICAL SANDCASTLE!!!!!
made a total of 5 boobs in total, HAHAHAAHHA, cause there were 5 of us. :D
it was very nice, with the structure and everything, and we even created a mini-swimming pool in the middle of the 5 boobs! :D
edlyn went to build some kind of protective water trough surrounding the castle.
HAHAHHA, but then, the water came and WHHOSSSSHHHH everything away!
in a frenzied moment, we all tried to revive the sagging boobs suffering from boob erosion and undercutting. HAHAHAHAHAH
oh my, this sounds really wrong.
should have taken a picture to show you guys about it.
and hmmm, i wonder if the castle is still there =/
then we wanted to test the theory of flooding!
so we threw in many many many sand into the mini-swimming pool.
in the end i threw a rock inside, and it created splashes and resulted geddie and saggy boob's clothes to be wet.
OH NOOOOOO. and in the end they ran after me, took me and threw me in the water.
TSK MAN. made me feel so wet and sticky and urghhhh.
hahahha, but the feeeling was rather great, too bad cas and eddie had to stay on land.
i know, i can understand. wouldn't we love to make our best friend go away? :D
then we wore shades and started to cam-whore like crazy! hahahahha.
first time acting like a total bimbo and screamed and the slightest things.
hahahahahhaha. but then afterwards i found it quite a nuisance to my own ears. ahhaha, so i stopped screaming. 
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. met a few friends there, like lynette hahahhahaha.
been seeing her everywhere around :D
it felt so free to cycle, feeling the breeze caressing your cheeks and the hair tickling your skin.
wow, it was like as if we were all in  a holiday, a whole new word, where sun, beach and more sun existed.
we had some pretty fun time seeing wind surfing? is it?
yeah, basically it's just you hold on to this handlebar suspended near your chest level and held by this machine on top that goes round and round a sea circuit. ahhaha.
i hope you really do get what i mean. :D
then we cycled and cycled and cycled more!
whatever happened throughout here, i shan't say it.
anyway, geddie and andrea looks like this:

hahahha, andrea looked damn cool in her sunglasses. she looked pretty hot for a girl :D
afterwards we lay a little, spent some time eating, watching waves...feeling the wind..and just basically, enjoying mother nature.
it made me really realise how hectic everything has been.
and everything is just whizzing past me at the speed of light, so fast that i've been unable to actually stop and really see what's really happening.
shall not crap about any more philosophies :D
the sky began to darken soon, the sun closing behind the bank of clouds, creating a murray of colours spreading generously across the sky.
it was really beautiful.
in the end, geddie and saggy boobs went home,
and eddie, cas and i stayed back to enjoy more of the land breeze and ate our dinner there.
we really had a fun time, not that fun can really describe everything, but then, it's more like of a letting-loose kind of feeling.
that kind where you can really really put your mind at ease and release your inner self.
damn, ahhahahh, i certainly will never forget this day. :D
thanks guys, for doing this. really really made me feel like this is life. beautiful, and to be enjoyed.
hahahahhaha. i had fun today.
thank you!
and therefore, i pronounce you husband and wife.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
Friday, October 10, 2008
11:28 PM

and we take our time,
and we do our crime,
and we stand in line,
now i'm in mine.
jeez, i've never felt so...satisfied before.
maybe it was more of satisfaction that i felt, more of the love and pride i felt of crescent NP. HAHA. :D
and and and and, so i thought that it was rather a success! YAY!
first official camp organised and planned by us was rather well-done. 
a great job to all of you all, esp. sec 3s and the attendance of sec 2s and 1s.
yeah, i know it's marking days, but then, thanks for coming down and participating in our activities.
yeah, you all did a helluva great job! :D
and i'm pretty much excited for the week, but still quite bombed out from the sore ab muscles and thigh muscles.
i feel like still, there is still something there.
hahahah. don't know if she feels it or not.
but i'm glad we are able to do that.
and really i hope we can do that again. :D
pact is made.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
11:13 PM

catch me if you care,
but i'm gonna fly away.
wow. everything's over.
seems quite unbelievable to me because when i got home i was still wondering what to study.
but hell yeah, i'm glad it's over. :D
seriously, i need a break.
next two days i'll be spending my time indulging in NP, which i missed quite dearly. 
but the thought of having to stay in school from 7 to 5.30 is really such a turn off
it's like i waited my whole life for this one night.
if you, well, know what i mean.
the idea of liberation is so wonderful.
and it feels great to be attached to nothing.
for once, i can really really sleep without dreaming about amaths or physics.
i still have damn a lot of things to do for tomorrow. and i haven't done it yet.
yeah, i know, i'm very efficient.
i knew that a long, long time ago.
we can be two rebels,
breaking the rules,
me and you, you and i.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
Friday, October 3, 2008
10:32 PM

to whoever is reading this, whether is it her or whoever, just read it.
i expected this day to happen.
long, long time ago.
and yeah, you must be thinking,"then why didn't you try to prevent it?"
truth is, i was being a total asshole and decided to neglect it.
but wait, this isn't what i really want to say.
you've walked with me, through the hardest points in my life, the obstacles.
you accepted me for who i am.
you showed me the true meaning of a true friend.
yes, you are there whenever i need you.
but that doesn't seem to be the scenario nowadays, does it?
you know that you and i, we have a lot of differences.
we have differing opinions on certain aspects, which i cannot seem to lay a word on.
i mean, just look at our friends. your friends, (excluding jocelyn, siying and jessica).
your friends are different from mine. this is one big difference in our perspective to friendship.
do i sound like i am complaining or accusing you- if you do feel that way, i'm truly sorry, and i have no intention of making you feel this way.
we choose different friends. we live our lives differently, like duh.
i mean, except the fact that we all go to school and mug at home like some crazy studious bespectacled nerds. :D
sorry, i was just, you know, trying to lighten the mood a little. i'm wondering if my attempt failed. maybe you think i'm taking all of these lightly, but truth is, i am as troubled as you are, or maybe more troubled. 
i admit it, i'm the jerk here.
i chose my own priorities over you all, just like how Britain regarded her own interests instead of the League of Nations.
i neglected all of you.
i didn't make the effort to get in touch with all of you.
i deserved this cold treatment from you, but wait, i will make this go away. and i know i can, but i know i need to work extremely hard.
i can't promise you that things will be normal, but i can assure you that i'll make it seem like the best days we've all ever had before.
you're a very special girl, yan li.
well i mean, you're my partners for 2 years, and my squadmate, and my going-home partner. 
so well, i can say i lived one-seventh of my life with you.
and you made me feel things that i've never felt before.
i think you know what i'm gonna talk about next- koyo.
yes, that was really tremendously superb memories, and yes, i really want to relive that strong bond of friendship, just like the ionic bonds in giant ionic lattice structures.
and that large amount of energy that is needed to break the ionic bonds, will just be like external forces trying to break the mutual friendship we have. 
apparently, i see myself fading away from you.
lately we don't really say hi, sometimes it's just really i didn't see you.
you know me- i don't take notice of my surroundings. but i know this isn't a very good excuse.
but then, sometimes, when i talk to you, you sound so...uninterested. sometimes, i would really want to strike up a conversation with you, but your tone suggests that you're totally not interested at all. so okay, i let that one off.
maybe you just really didn't want to talk to me. okay, that did hurt me, but then, what could i do?
force you into a conversation which you will be not interested in at all?
or maybe i'm just exaggerating too much. maybe you're just plain tired. okay, i can understand that.
but i know, i'm the one at fault.
trust me, i really want that old feeling back.
truth is, i feel intimidated by you, sometimes. 
i still remember that day, Secondary 4 Farewell Assembly.
i saw you and jessica together, after the assembly, your tie strongly encircled around her body, as if you two were hugging together.
i don't know, but when i saw that i really felt like hugging you guys too.
but i felt something tugging at me. i don't know how long i looked at you two, with envy. 
envy, you know i don't have that in my dictionary since i met you. 
i wanted myself to be in that scenario too, laughing with you all and enjoying the wondrous, special moments together. 
i was looking at you two so long, until michelle asked me (from 2C3), " hey dude, whatcha looking at?" 
i didn't know how to reply her. so i just smiled and replied, " i'm looking at something that seems so near but seems so far away." she didn't know what i was referring to, obviously.
well, point is, i want to let you know that i am willing to do anything, anything, to resolve this barrier between us.
because, as mushy that it can sound, it's killing me.
i can't stand it, not being able to react to you as i did before, not able to see you smiling when talking to me.
yeah, i missed your laughter. everything about you basically. those little details of your words, the way you type, your handwriting that you used to scribble in my books.
i really want to get them back.
sometimes when i flip open my maths notebook, i see them, and somehow the corners of my mouth tug upwards. 
i still can imagine that feeling of warmth between us.
that closeness.
i'll make this work, i know i can, i need you to believe in me.
i'm not saying this purely for actions, i am going to do it.
i'm going to show all of you that i want to get this friendship back.
because you are a really rare friend to get by. same goes for siying, jocelyn and jessica.
i really don't know how to say this but, you all are still a part of me.
i still think about all of you, unconditionally.
maybe it's unexpressed and unfelt to all of you, but when i see any of you, i feel like, wow, she's my friend. a good friend, a wonderful friend, a perfect friend.
i'm gonna make this right, please, just believe in me and give me a chance.
maybe in your eyes i don't deserve a second-chance, but then, i'm still going to be stubborn and give it my best shot.
you don't know how much i long to get there with all of you.
you just have no idea.
not a little.
and i just wanna say, i really do love you. in between sisterly and friendship love. 
you're really important and i thank god that at least you still feel some thing about me, regardless is it negative or positive.
tu amor, ma cherie.
----<3>u>what you said:
it feels like i don't know her anymore, totally. actually, i think it's for the better since i've realised that we totally have different priorities and ways of handling things. i don't think she'll ever realise just how much she disappointed me and stuff; guess we had different perceptions on friendship, or if what we had could be called something more than just a normal friendship. honestly, i don't want to keep on thinking about this anymore, and hoping that she would one day see things as i do. it's like hopeless to hope for a piece of wood to turn into a block of marble, even if i once thought if i did enough on my part, it would work out. [note the analogy, wood has many of its benefits, but it's just that i like marble better:)] sick and tired. don't wanna think about it anymore; just contented with the way things are now.
-----<3>what i feel
i don't know why, but i felt really pissed when i read this.
so what, you think that what we have is all in the past, never to be revived back?
what, i'm a piece of wood that is hopeless to turn into marble.
right, piece of wood.
i really want to see the things you do, trust me.
but why can't you see it from my point of view?
why must it be...always you?
okay, right now, i know, i sound really contradicting as i've sounded previously. I MEAN THEM. but right now, i'm just telling you what i feel when i saw this paragraph.
and in what ways did i disappoint you?
and it's not like i'm the only one disappointing you.
you've disappointed me too. but i just gave you a new chance. one after another.
you know.
you sound like you don't want it as badly as i do.
that sucks pretty badly.
what we had could be called something more than a normal friendship huh?
oh, so i see.
so you think it's all in the past.
and you think it's not worth making things right.
and you think you're already contented with just the way things are now.
how innocent can i get, seriously.
but i'm gonna heck what you think, seriously, cause i'm gonna do what i want to do, what i think is right and what is right.
i want to revive this back and i will. and then we'll see.
but it still hurts though, that you think it's already mission impossible.
hurts pretty badly.
hurts like some kind of shit.
it hurts.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.

10:02 PM

HEY LADIES! i'm going without photos today. :D
anyway, i'm going quite mad already, i think. i'm hallucinating many, many things.
OH MAN, chemistry is quite a sucker when you do those formulas. arrgh, hate it and love it. 
so when i got back home i decided to destress myself by taking some real nice quizzes from blogthings.com. here they are: TADA!!!

Your Surfing Habits are 80% Female, 20% Male
If we had to guess, we would guess you are a woman.
You use the internet to keep up with friends and family.
You are likely to get online to communicate and share information.
You are also to research things that directly effect your life, like health and travel.

Do You Use the Internet Like a Man or a Woman?


Your Physical Flirt Level: 40%
You are definitely a flirt, but you are more subtle than over the top.
As far as physical flirting goes, you know that a little goes a long way.

You will touch on occasion, but you're never flagrant or inappropriate.
You just use physical stuff as the icing on your flirting cake.

Are You a Physical Flirt?

Your Autumn Test Results
You are a playful, spirited person. You have a limitless imagination and amazing creative talents.

When you are happiest, you are calm. You appreciate tradition and family. You enjoy feeling cozy.

You tend to be afraid of change. You are never ready for things to be different.

You find novelty to be the most comforting thing in the world. You love anything that's new or unusual.

Your ideal day is spontaneous and surprising. You like to play things by ear, and you always end up doing something interesting.

You tend to live in the moment. You enjoy whatever is going on, and you don't obsess over the past or future.

The Autumn Test


Your Hair Should Be Blonde
You are outgoing, light hearted, and a ton of fun.
You don't take life too seriously, and you do your best to charm everyone you meet.

You are very energetic. People tend to underestimate you, but you can get a lot done.
You do tend to be a bit sensitive. If someone has a bad opinion of you, it truly hurts.

You are cunning and clever. You are smart, but you aren't “book smart” or academic.
Some people may think you're superficial, but they're not seeing the whole picture.

What Color Hair Should You Have?

You Are % Lady
You're a pretty crass, and even a bit crude on occasion.
Manners don't matter to you, but they sure matter to those around you.

Are You A Lady?


People Definitely Like You
You are very well liked, and many people admire you.
You are friendly, well mannered, and fun to be around.
Of course, you're not perfect... but that's okay.
Your friends are usually willing to accept you for who you are!

What People Like About You:

People like that you take responsibility for your actions and admit your mistakes. They appreciate your maturity.

People like that you can defend what you believe in calmly and rationally. You stand your ground and gain respect.

What People Don't Like About You:

People don't like that you put others down and like to gossip. They are worried that you also gossip about them!

Do People Like You?

You Are a Skin Deep Sweetheart
You may be supermodel gorgeous or a plain Jane.
It really doesn't matter, because you're confident and secure.
You don't go out looking like a slob, but you are low maintenance.
You have better things to worry about than whether your nails are the right shade!

Are You a Vain Girl?


Your Life is 77% Perfect
Your life is pretty darn perfect. You don't have much to complain about.
Of course, your life is occasionally less than perfect. But you're usually too happy to notice.

How Perfect is Your Life?

You Act Like You Are 26 Years Old
You are a twenty-something at heart. You feel like an adult, and you're optimistic about life.
You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

You're still figuring out your place in the world and how you want your life to shape up.
The world is full of possibilities, and you can't wait to explore many of them.

What Age Do You Act?


You Are 16% Girly
Um... you're a guy, right? If not, you're the most boyish girl in the world.
And for you, that's probably the ultimate compliment.

How Girly Are You?

amazing,most of them are true. haha. :D

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
4:17 AM

well i can't lie.
no, not this time.
it's four in the morning.
and i'm still in the energetic state.
right now my mom would be fuming mad if she knew i'm still awake during the night of the living dead.
couldn't remember when was the last time i felt so tired and fell asleep while revising for physics.
i really don't want to fail physics. as well as bio.
but you know, kids in other places worry about war, famine, hunger, destruction of homes and properties, loss of their lives
but here i am, worrying that i'll fail my bio and physics. what a big, big contrast.
anyway! speaking of such, i came across this book, written by an author who went for the extra mile to write about this male who had contracted AIDS.
he writes about how they get along together, the obstacle they face, as well as the male himself.
it's just a young man's journey through Africa's AIDS epidemic.
life is really fragile, if you really do think of it.
hahahhahaa, i get the feeling that you all are bored by my philosophies.
aiyoh, it's good to get some into your head day by day. :D
things come when least unexpected, for example, i shan't be discreet- a woman's period.
so does AIDS.
they rob away your life, and it is quite saddening to realise one is to sit back and await for death with no proper medical help and manpower. 
that's why, i really wanna learn my biology well, go to these places, and treat these patients.
even though it won't be as fun as cutting up dead bodies to investigate the reason of death, but still, we're helping lives here, and each life is still living, solid, and present.
we can't let precious lives like that be slipping away, can we?
but i'm selfish- there's so many things i wanna do in life- be a bartender, forensic scientist, professional dancer, choreographer, athlete(impossible), pilot (if i can fail my physics, this one is a definite no no), and maybe, i'll be an entrepreneur and be my own boss.
there's so many decisions to make. and i really don't know how to decide or pave my way for my future.
the thought of myself moulding my future terrifies me inside out.
because i know, i'd screw it.
it's just a matter of time.
and you take your time,
you do your crime.

When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.

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Criminal Records

pulled dad's leg hair to get attention
kissed a car and a tomato
actually prayed hard to get to EM1
(dang, that was stupid)
love my cousins a lot! :)
needs a lamborghini roadster :DD
actually drowned once, (almost)
hates handphones, tracking devices...
loves GEOGRAPHY!!! <3333
FRANZ FERDINANZ and HITLER are da bombs!!! <33333
loves history, DUHH :)
hates jewelleries -_-
falling in love with skinnies :D
HEROES DA BOMB!!!! <333333
ah, i just love hollywood stuff *grins*

To-Do Crimes

get what i desire for mid years
just stay focused.
complete all revision by this week
go do something crazy for june holidays
take part in next year's parade<33333
and just hope that i'll be able to have more overseas opportunities.



Littlest Things

Brushes Deviantart
Images Yahoo
Font DaFont
Image Host Imageshack
Music Host Imeem
Ideas Vintage Layys
Base Codes Blu-black
Designer Jessica
Softwares Adobe Photoshop & Microsoft Frontpage

Pls do not rip off anything from here.
Much appreciated[: